Vegas is...

Observations and other observances from a short weekend in Vegas...



- I want to the meet the person who is blown away by impressionists. I saw one ad for a group named The Scintas, and judging from the photos, they sing songs and act incredibly wacky. Also, one of them, maybe Tito, does a George Burns impersonation. George Burns! He's been dead for 10 years! Why not just do FDR while you're at it? And is an Elvis impersonation really an accomplishment any more? People don't even want to see the real Joan Rivers. Why would anybody pay to see somebody sort of act and look like her?



- On that same note, if you went to see Danny Gans, and then proceeded to describe him as "really talented", you are an idiot.



- I love watching chicks visit Vegas and break out that really short skirt and tight top they can't wear to the office happy hour Friday evenings. "Finally, I can look like I really want to fuck without people judging me!"



- The other best thing is seeing the pack of seven dudes walking around like they are having the single most awesome/intense/amazing/cool Vegas weekend in recorded history. "This place was nothing before we got here!"

No need to quit now

Oh, I almost forgot! At the same barbecue, my friend's grandma was in attendance. She's about 74, and took up smoking at the age of 68 or so. At that point, why not, I guess.



Anyway, this poor old woman was so frail, that she couldn't even flick her ashes off. She just sat there, letting it dangle until one of the grandkids came over and tapped her cigarette to knock the long ash off.



It was probably one of the top seven things I've ever personally witnessed.

Babies aplenty

We went back home to Pittsburgh last weekend for a wedding. Weddings are no longer fun for us because we're at that weird age where we don't dance at weddings because we're not 24 anymore and we're not 56 yet. So basically, we just sit there and watch other people have fun while trying to come up with a good answer to "So, what have you been up to?"



Anyway, on Sunday we went to a barbecue and a few old acquaintances brought their babies. And baby carriers. And baby formula. And baby toys. And three changes of baby clothes. And a big canvas sack to carry it all. The parents of the youngest ones mainly held their squirmy offspring in their laps while answering, "Nah, I can't. The baby." to every question that came their way. "Want to play volleyball?" "Want to get a beer?" "Want to enjoy your life?"



But the real gems were the 2-3 year olds who seemed to be fascinated by dirt and falling down. My favorite kid was eating this cookie topped with red icing. Maybe not eating. Mostly smearing it on his chin. It seriously looked like the kid got into a can of paint. Mom made no effort to wipe it off, leading me to believe this wasn't a unique event.



On the drive back to the hotel I remarked, "Man, I don't know why anybody would go through that." This did not go over well with The Wife.