Merry Retail, everybody!

Out shopping for the wife, I had a few enjoyable moments. The first came in a packed Tiffany's, where people were so desperate to buy jewelery and baubles that they were lining a glass counter like it was a bar in a crowded nightclub. I was waiting for somebody to start holding out a $100 bill like they were trying to flag down a bartender. Of course, that was nowhere near as good as the guy whose girlfriend pointed out something shiny that caught her eye. The guy asked a salesgal where the nearest Bank of America was, then he asked his girlfriend/wife/mistress if she wanted the jewelry or just the cash instead. (She wanted the jewelry.)



But they couldn't compete with my favorite couple, a guy who looked like he was in a wild band in the '80s and suffered both a drug-induced stroke and crippled ankle on a particularly awesome tour. Plus he had an overbite like Kermit and stringy hair that looked like you could pull off easier than a Post-It note. Naturally, he was with a hot, 20-something Asian chick who seemed to be picking out everything for her stocking.



Having made a sensible, classy purchase, I moved onto Pottery Barn looking for...well, I don't know what actually. As soon as I walked in, I passed a sales associate something a customer something nice for her husband. Then the woman asked, "Do you have anything a little more manly man than that?" I first waited for the associate to show her either a silver tin that is perfect for holding your Red Man chewing tobacco, or a pewter magazine rack that showcases old Playboys. Instead, the associate directed her to a leather journal.

Awesome

During the presidential campaign, President/God's soldier George W. repeatedly said he was against legalizing importing cheaper prescription drugs from Canada. He said we could never be sure that the drugs actually came from Canada and not some Third World country trying to make a buck. And George W. Bush will never risk the health of Americans! Unless they're in the military or living near a coal mine or factory. But he definitely won't risk our health on potentially fake drugs!



Except now we've learned that the common prescription drugs Vioxx, Celebrex and Aleve all greatly increase users risk of heart problems or attacks. And these drugs, of course, we're rushed through the FDA approval process and given an NIH endorsement thanks to political lobbying, donations and drug companies basically paying off NIH executives to tout their drugs.



Meanwhile, way up in Canada, they're not having any of these problems. I guess because their country isn't controlled by business-loving Republicans.

Aww man

I had a supreme douche moment on Saturday driving back from Christmas shopping. Heading down Melrose, home of the hot shopping chick, I was stopped and casually observing a semi-hot shopping chick walking down the sidewalk on my street of the street.



Suddenly, somebody in a car on other side of the street looks at this chick and goes "Whooooo!" So she looks in the direction of the noise and sees me staring right at her. And she shook her head in shame, like she's never been more disappointed in her life. After a few seconds, I realized that she thought I was the aggressive Italian.



Damn.